YOU ASKED FOR HONESTY

I have slept with alot of men, married and single, boyfriends and flings, can’t really say why but it was not for money or pleasure… I think I just liked the attention maybe. Don’t you dare judge me for it, that’s the honesty you asked for. Would you still trust me now? Would you? I’m different and I am content with you. But I’m sure now you would flinch at everything I tell you. I keep male friends cause they remind me of how beautiful I am and they don’t let me stay insecure like my female friend do. You. Found me cause I had male friends that introduced us, I slept with a couple of them too but it was nothing serious, some I’m still in touch with.

I broke up with a boy cause he was always broke, left another cause I was paranoid, I broke up with another cause he was always untrusting and another cause I simply got bored can you believe that I would stick with you now till the end?

Sometimes I hate you and sometimes I feel like I should leave you. When you can’t be there for me I go hang with with potential dates to get comfort and feel cared for and I lie to you about it

I contemplate if I want to spend the rest of my life with you so I try seeing other people to see if they interest me, turns out they don’t and I still want you. I know you are not physically the man I thought I’d be attracted to, don’t know how I got super attracted enough to crush.

I often wish you were fully dependent of your finances and have enough to take me on trip and dazzle me with nice things that other girls have but I constantly remind myself that we building and it’s ok.

I tell my friends you do for me most of the things I do for myself so they can accord you respect even when you don’t do close to quarter of it for me l, I do this cause I don’t want them taking yeah about us

When I go through a hard time people ask about you and why you don’t come through but I tell them you have done too much for me already and that I hate to bug you about it that you have your own pressing issue at the moment. Still I hate that you can’t help.

So I try to Interact with people you don’t want me interacting with to keep my mind sane when i’m feeling down and I lie to you about it

My family don’t like you yet cause they think I can do better than you, it’s why I don’t show you to them, I think when you make more money they would have a change of mind or maybe I’d just figure it out eventually and then they would love you.

This is the dirt in my mind, but I swear I’m in love with you but I’m sure if I told you this you would not want to be with me again. So I can’t be honest.

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WE NEED TO STOP FIGHTING

I’m still crazy about her

Continued from ‘I’m crazy about her’ (read story below)

We worked things out and now I am sure I want to be with her, I have committed myself and it’s safe to say that I am in love with her, she is a great girl and she could pass for everyman’s dream girl but there is a bug; I think she has too many past dirty laundries that needs cleaning and it makes it so hard for me to trust her. She however blames my trust issues on my past relationships and says she can’t deal with the fact that I don’t trust her and in all honesty I think she right about me not trusting her but she is wrong to think my past experiences with girls is responsible for it. I mean what would you think if you were in my shoes, she only has male friends some which she claimed to have cut off, but a lot more guys calling her phone asking her for favours and she obliges most times even goes to visit them, whenever I asked her about them she says they are childhood/family/sisters friends and she can’t just rid herself of them. I know I should trust her but i just don’t and I might, eventually, but it takes time and time is what she is not willing to give.

Now I tell her I trust her and I try to pretend I believe her stories sometimes but may I’m not doing a good job at masking to cause she always tells me I get cranky often about nothing and she always feel there is a need to address issues I’m not aware exist
Lately we have been spending a lot of time together which is been great by the way, the down side is that we tend to fight a lot over insignificant things; For instance; she says I don’t talk to her or I’m being into myself and wonders if she did something wrong and then we go back and forth and its quickly escalated. Now I need you guys to know that I barely share my problems especially when I know the other person can’t solve it so I try not to burden her with it however sometimes my mind worries a bit and it completely almost have nothing to do with her, if she talks to me I’d definitely respond but she says my mood gets to her hence the fight. I see myself as an adaptable person and I tell her this but she disagrees, I try to show her that I can be but it feels like she does not want me to be,, or maybe I’m just confused.

The fighting would not stop but we crazy about each other and I want to spend the rest of my life with her what do I do or what do we do, cause she keeps saying maybe we are truly better apart.

I HAVE A FRIEND, AT LEAST I THOUGHT OF HER AS ONE

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We were so close we could finish each other statements, if you meet her don’t look to far I am definitely around the corner. Best friends forever I thought, we shared our deepest and darkest secretes but as at that time we had a lot in common, working the same jobs making our social circles mutual, attending same fellowship and our families even became familiar with each other. If this is not what you call Bff’s I don’t what is.
So anyway I assumed we were going to last forever, struggle together, achieve success together, get married and have our kids have play dates. Now I’m not saying this is not going to happen no more, I just need you to answer a couple of questions for me:
1. What tore us apart?
2. Do you think we could be close again
3. Was she ever my best friend
4. Should I talk to her about it or move on
5. I’m I the only one with this experience
Don’t be so quick to respond, read to the end of my story first.
Like every friendship I’d say she is more social very outgoing, and not so much into over thinking things, I’m not far from these too but she is a little more into it than myself.
I perceive her character sometimes as deceptive and hypocritical and most times I point it out to her. We started out as causal friends and then the bond grew stronger as other mutual friends got filtered out. Now that you have an understanding of our friendship let me tell you how we grew apart.
We lost our job (remember we worked same job), the company for some financial reason could not handle the department we worked in so we sort out other jobs. She was the first to get a job while I remained unemployed she grew financially buoyant quickly while I was moving slow and steady. I the lunched my business and invited her to come celebrate with me but she never showed up, my place used to be our go to, but it’s been a year now and she never made out time to come see me at mine or accepted my invite to a date, we used too call each other over every tiny detail and spend hours on phone not really saying anything important, now we only speak when we need helpful information from the other. She has had a new place for months now, never for once was I invited to visit, but she had a party with her co-workers and new friend I never knew off, I am still searching for a job and things are hard but never for once has she cared about me….
That’s it.
Now I hope you can answer my questions.

NEVER JUSTIFY SEXUAL HARASSMENT BY BLAMING THE VICTIM

 

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Over 50% of ladies deal with some sought of sexual harassment. It has often been passed as way of life to many people and therefore accepted. We now think it’s alright to manipulate the situation other than address it #SEXUALHARASSMENT

People do not file complaint because they fear they would not be believed or that they would be blamed or fear their career or reputation would be damaged.

I do see a lot of ‘victim blaming’, people saying ‘why would she go to his hotel room’ or ‘she should not have dressed in certain way’, Now this is an understandable reason to why women just don’t talk about their experience or report the issue. Statistic shows that people who have complained don’t move up in their career, so therefore sexual harassment has been the order of the day and is still going strong.

Sexual harassment as we know is an unwelcome verbal visual or physical conduct of a sexual nature that is severe or pervasive and affects working condition or creates a hostile work environment. Don’t get me wrong sexual harassment can be seen in all aspect of human endeavors but I want to (for the sake of this article) focus on sexual harassment within working environments.

Key words being VERBAL, VISUAL, AND PHYSICAL

  • VERBAL: includes comments on a person’s body, sexual or gender jokes or remarks, requesting sexual favours or repeatedly asking a person out, sexual innuendos, threats, spreading rumors about a person’s personal or sexual life or foul and obscene language.
  • VISUALS: includes posters, drawings, pictures, screensavers, cartoons, emails, videos or text of a sexual nature
  • Physical: includes assault, impeding or blocking movements inappropriate touching such as kissing hugging, patting stroking or rubbing, sexual gesturing, starring or leering

There are two categories of sexual harassment

The first is ‘THIS FOR THAT’  which occurs when a boss uses job rewards such as raises or promotions or punishments such as demotions or firing to force employees into a sexual relationship or sexual acts.

 

The other is ‘HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT’ which is a conduct that unreasonably interferes with work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment. For example it may be repeated sexual comments. This makes someone so uncomfortable their work performance begins to suffer or they decline professional opportunities because it will put them in contact with the harasser.

This category happens in a good number of working environment and I have been a victim. I am using this medium as an opportunity to plead that us ladies don’t keep quite anymore and the only way to expose this sexual harassers is if we speak an expose them

I know the society tends to make us feel guilty for going through it at all, so it seems easier to keep quite.

Sexual harassment is a huge societal problem that in a way fights the progress of ‘Gender equality’ and the good thing about the world we are in today is that the internet has made it possible for us to share stories of sexual assault and remain anonymous while getting the help we desire.

Ladies Please! do not keep quiet anymore share these stories and expose the guilty with prove of your stories being real and one day we just might put an end to the trend if not for us, for the sake of our children. Cause ignoring only makes the problem worse.

Think about how far molestation has grown. Its cause people who are guilty of this act go unpunished and it is because we keep quiet and failed to share our stories. If we persist in sharing our stories one day the world will listen and address the issue.

I’M CRAZY ABOUT HER

you also think it’s just sex I want?stay

I met her in the club, that night was turned up, we came for a friend’s birthday party, before then it is debatable that I had never seen her before, but it is certain that I knew her boyfriend and he knew me too, although in that moment I had no clue she was dating him.

At the party she danced pretty good and at the time I saw her she was dancing alone with a glass of vodka in her hand, she had a full hair that could pass for an afro and dreadlocks at the same time, she wore a white short dress that showed of her curves and they had black spots on them, she was not the prettiest at the club that night but she sure got all my attention cause there was something about her. Plus it’s hard to say but I think she was flirting with me cause she kept looking at me and I swear to you that was the sexiest thing ever it was like I fell under a spell.

From that moment I realized I could not let it end there, so after a bit I walked up to her and told her she owed me a dance and she said; ‘I hope you don’t mistake my act for flirting’ I laughed because that was exactly what she was doing so I told her that it don’t matter that I wanted to dance anyway and she said she was with her man that it would not be possible so I asked who her boyfriend wass and she pointed him out. Damn

Now I did not believe her cause I did not want it to be true so I asked a couple of people if what she said was true, people like her boyfriends brother, best friend and the birthday celebrant but they all answered differently although my question was if they knew her.

Despite the new information I still needed her number so I found away to get her alone and I finally got her number.

We connected through chat for a bit but we never saw despite our mutual interest in wanting to seeing each other. Reasons are many but mostly we never really put in effort but for me I did not put in work because I was not buoyant financially at the time and I had no place of my own a reason I dreaded.

Within the year we spoke at intervals and after about a year or more we finally decide to see and damn it was just as i imagined, love story short she had broken up with her then boyfriend we had talked about it over the phone and it was obvious she wanted some sort of commitment, not sure I wanted the same thing, I was however clouded by the thought of being with her and what it could be like so I think I agreed to all she said  and we saw and shagged in a parking space, crazy right? After we were done the security guys walked up to us cause we were at hotel parking lot considering I met her while she worked an event that day. I paid a fine but that just made it a better experience than it already was.

Hence from there I could not get her out of my mind and we kept talking it. The next time we saw was in my place. Before we saw however we talked about having something serious and committed together bits me why after sex she wanted us to talk about it again I was hesitant, she got upset so the next time she came around I decided to oblige her, so I told her I did not want us defining the relationship cause defining relationships usually ruins it for me. From how we spoke I gathered that she does not want to be with me without us having a defined relationship, contrary to her thoughts I would like a committed relationship with her cause I really do like her but she did not seem like the type that truly wants to commit cause she has a lot of male friends and she seem to enjoy their company I don’t want her stopping that because of me even if it makes me jealous I want us to grow into whatever it is. She then goes quiet on me and I call her back saying I still have feeling for her, we get back together and we go apart again for same reasons. Now she thinks I only want sex from her and I don’t know how to prove her wrong cause I find her way to sexy to resist but I still do enjoy her company.

Why would she not wait and let it grow itself. I crazy like this girl.

A TOXIC US

couple_arguing_silhouette(I knew we could not be more, but I never wanted us to end)

My name is LUCKY and the story you about to read thrilled and tormented me emotionally

So here we go.

I first met her (ADA) through a mutual friend who happens to be really close to her (she was against us being together for obvious reasons), at a hospital four years AGO, this was a year after I started dating my present girlfriend then again, I really never took notice of her. We then met again on her birthday, this time around she knocked me of my feet (I’m not even playing with you) she wowed me with her voice and her carriage and offered to be her company for the rest of the night being that it was her birthday and had no male company she accepted, we had ‘chilled’ fun. The night was over sooner but I asked see her again so we exchanged numbers. We both just graduated from school recently at the time, I was waiting for a job while she was waiting to serve so we had lots of free time at hand that allowed us hang and see very often. Getting used to her was easy considering we spent almost every day together and i really began to like her. She ran my daily errands with me and I ran hers with her, we basically planned our days in sync.  She was spontaneous, outspoken, bold, sexy (AF) and most of all she was badass with her train of taught challenges me generally, it sure was awesome and I fell madly for her.

I had sexual intents towards her so of course I made sexual moves but I got a vibe that she had a reason not to let it happen but I refused to over think it despite the consciousness that she was aware I was in a relationship. Deep down I knew if she had not consented to my sexual advances I still would have stocked around (I guess) because I found her that amazing, but we did share hot kisses and caresses. Everybody in town knew her with me and thought we were dating they did not even know my girlfriend (it was understandable considering she was not staying in town).

The night before she left for service she initiated sex in the car, her friend and my friend were right outside and we had a mind-blowing sex for the first time although my car screens were tinted at the time. The next day she left for service and feeling never changed, nothing changed, we kept talking while she was in camp and when she got out we hung out at every chance we had, and trust me we made a lot of time for us and feeling grew

But the third month into whatever it was we had, we started having heated disagreement which I still do believe it was 80% her fault, of course we always settled and feelings never left it only grew more actually but the quarrels were unending. Basically I think the quarrel was because she started to feel jealous about my relationship which I was actively working on settling in, although she never spelt out rightly that she felt insecure but mentioned not wanting what we had to ruin my relationship and asked that I stayed away from her, this was the case up until 6month when I got a contract job in another state that was to last for a year. As soon as she knew about it she acted like I was relocating forever and assumed we could never work.

Now this is where things started to go sideways cause a was mad into her and I think is safe to say I loved her already at this point and I told her that I loved her but she never said it back I however knew she felt the same way for me or at least felt something close to what I felt.

But I assured her I was going to make it work, because I was that into her and I would make sure we see as often as possible but she was not buying all I was saying obviously. We had a mind-blowing sex as usual (sex with her was the best) the night before I left. While away we kept talking but it was not as great she obviously was not into distance one bit for this reason I could say she was distant at heart.

Less than a month later I came back to town to pick my car and I could tell she was not interested in seeing me so I left without seeing her. We still kept talking on phone until I returned back to town again. We agreed to see and makeup both emotionally and physically which we did and it seemed to be going fine until she had a little too much to drink. Meanwhile I got into trouble at work for not returning as I was scheduled to but I tried not to worry about it cause I really wanted to be with her and she being tipsy turned me on greatly we had brief sex and in her state she said words that hurt basically translated to she did not want me anymore, funny part was she was throwing up and I was still super turned on but she was completely not horny anymore which never really happened all the times we were together and just before we slept she said more hurtful stuff like how she had a new boyfriend and how he was a better sex partner. I was upset about her actions because I knew sacrifices I had to make to make seeing her happen. We were at it up until 2am and I had a road trip to make the next day that was to last 9hrs and I was to drive. But I let it go.

We kept talking on phone and eventually she mentioned her new relationship again and how they had dated before but this time they had become serious. Now this felt suspicious and deliberate could it be that I was so invested in my hurt that I did not notice that she had any hurt and concluded that I never really mattered from the start, usually talking about my pain helps me get over hurt but, in this case, it was not helping so we had a huge fight. After a bit we decided to talk about it and see if we could reach a resolve but this time we tried chatting. She did make effort to make it right but I was being difficult and it exploded in my face and she put an end to us. That was when I saw the month I had left being away from her flash before my eyes and how much hurt I would go through without her. And I also played my time I had with her in my mind and I contemplated if it was her just playing with my emotions all along cause she never really talked about her past relationship with me. I refused to reach her anymore she did try reaching me but I ignored knowing that her reaching me was not for us to make up.

I erased her from my physical memory and I never do this with anyone even thought her leaving broke me.

(The silent did not last forever, now I’m about to WED but we seeing again)

 

WAS IT THE SYSTEM OR THE HOSPITAL THAT KILLED A MOTHER AND HER CHILD?

PREGO

(STORY CREDIT: Bolaji Olure  Twitter handle: @iAmzaar)

I always tell the story of the day I knew I’d never study medicine, not if I’d have to practice in Nigeria. I was 15 or 16 and had respiratory distress one evening. My mom rushed me to a General Hospital. This was at about 8pm on a weekday. We got there, paid for the card and the wait started. First thing I noticed was the hospital had just one doctor attending to patients although we weren’t many patients, I was baffled. Second thing I noticed that was a woman in labor on a gurney right there at the reception.

The doctor on duty was shuffling between the consulting room and the pregnant woman, apparently other wards too. So despite the fact that we were about 8 waiting to see the doctor, we spent about 2 hours waiting.

I realized that there was no space left in the labor ward hence why the woman was left there.

 

30mins later something happened.  Electrical power was interrupted. The residential house directly opposite the hospital took about 30 seconds to light back up with a generator but the hospital Remained in pitch darkness. It gets more interesting as a nurses had to scramble and light up kerosene lanterns and candles. I was young but I’d never forget the shock i felt. I was so distracted by all this that I didn’t even realize my breathing had normalized. Fast forward another 30mins, the woman in labor moaned louder than before. One of the nurses strolled to her side and did some checks and dashed into the hospital. Came back with another nurse and the doctor and the finally brought a screen to shield themselves. After a while the doctor came out from behind the screen and just came back to the consulting room. The woman kept moaning until finally she was quiet. The nurse who dashed earlier came back, removed the screen and covered the woman.

At this point you could guess what played in my mind, what did I just witness? A short while after the woman’s husband came in and the nurses attended to him. He came back right to where I was sitting and cried quietly. If my mom wasn’t beside me I would have joined him in crying.

I was confused and bewildered and could only imagine the kind of grief that man was passing through at that point. No attempt to even save the unborn child. The poor doctor got a visitor and ended up spending 30mins ignoring and ignoring the rest of us waiting to consult

After he saw me, I actually asked what happened he explained to me that the woman had a BP above 200 and hence they couldn’t even put her under the knives and also the BP refused to respond to the medication she was administered. His exhaustion was obvious.

Apparently the husband was poor and obviously couldn’t afford anything better. I finally cried when I was leaving the hospital, the carried the woman’s body into a wagon car and left. I couldn’t believe what I just witnessed.

I felt bad for everyone, the medical staff, the husband and myself and everyone who had to go through this dysfunctional system. PS: because my shortness of breath had stopped the doc said I was fine and we could go.

My mom not convinced took me to a private hospital, this around 10.30pm. The doc there wrote something for me. After processing the whole experience I decided that’s not the life I want for myself.